my very meaningful birthday present

i received a card from my good friend last night with well wishes for my birthday. I am 44 today. Its something I would instinctively recoil at: more than halfway or if you are traditional chinese( its die die!).

well i would have assumed i should be living life to the fullest; some parts i would do it all over again if I was asked to; like wl and the girls or my job. i truly discovered myself when i started running again after a long hiatus. As i have mentioned before, i have never been much of an athlete and running was my way of keeping fit( to build cardio fitness was the aim); ok ok as other close friends will tell you its when i was chasing after equally old friends on a beach in phuket and getting dropped when i was thought i was relatively fit that jolted me into the mode that has takne me to today.

the running got more serious and longer, though not naturally faster. i just wanted longevity in my running experience; not push myself to the point where i bust my knees and will spend the rest of my days with my legs prooped up on a ottoman gulping beer and downing chips in front of the telly.

back to my card because of i am digressing. its an article by kristin armstrong entitled "the wall" which appeared in Runner"s World which was shared with me adn want to share this with you:

The Wall



04/29/2010 3:07 PM


Marathoners know the proverbial wall.


The wall is typically located someplace between miles 20 and 23, but it can sprout up anywhere. It can even begin as a simple, unassuming speed bump, but can grow up faster than kudzu in Atlanta. Suddenly you find something massive, directly in front of you, blocking the path between right here and the finish line.


The wall is constructed of many bricks; things like fear, pain, loneliness, hopelessness, burdens, doubt, guilt, exhaustion - physical, exhaustion-mental, exhaustion-emotional, exhaustion-spiritual. It is a black hole in our psyche, a gap in our fence, a riptide in our reservoir with the potential to carry us away. The wall becomes nearly physically tangible to a runner, but the same wall exists in other areas whether we choose to recognize it or not.


Maybe part of why I run is to get a good, hard look at that sucker. There is a part of me that likes to know, every once in a while, what I am up against on the inside. If we get up close enough, we might spot some loose bricks, wedge our fingers in and yank them out, revealing a rectangular shaft of light from the other side. Other times, we get up close enough and spot some handholds, footholds, a way up and over. How much time and mileage do we waste each time we try to go around our wall, instead of facing it head on?


There is even an expression which has become somewhat cliched, "hit the wall." People use this all the time in a non-running context, signifying reaching the end of the rope, an empty tank, a point of frustration, no return, giving up, turning back.


What does it mean to you to hit the wall? What kind of bricks are you stacking?


When you reach your limit, your wall, the end of yourself - what happens next for you? What do you find there? Release? Relief? Grace? Do you have a breakdown or do you break it down? Do you make a plan or an excuse? What gives - the terrain, or you?


I wonder if it's possible to imagine drawing a new starting line just when we think we can't muster another step. Some experienced runners say the race doesn't even begin until mile 20...until the wall. That's when you really find out what you are up against, and in that same sweet moment, what you are really made of.


For all of us who are interested in long distance runs, isn't this what its about?

happy running and training!